petit prince, unbearable darkness

you can't use being fucked up as an excuse forever...

soul landscape

on the waste, beneath the sky, distinguished by Watt as being, the one above, the other beneath, Watt. That before him, behind him, on all sides of him, there was something else, neither sky nor waste, was not felt by Watt. And it was always their long dark flowing away together towards the mirage of union that lay before him, whichever way he turned. The sky was of a dark colour, from which it may be inferred that the usual luminaries were absent. They were. The waste also, needless to say, was of a dark colour, which is hardly to be wondered at. Watt also was very naturally of the same dark colour. This dark colour was so dark that the colour could not be identified with certainty. Sometimes it seemed a dark absence of colour, a dark mixture of all colours, a dark white. But Watt did not like the words dark white, so he continued to call his darkness a dark colour, plain and simple, which strictly speaking it was not, seeing that the colour was so dark as to defy identification as such.
The source of the feeble light diffused over the scene is unknown.
Further peculiarities of this soul-landscape were:
The temperature was warm.
Beneath Watt the waste rose and fell.
All was silent.
Above Watt the sky fell and rose.
Watt was rooted to the spot.

Beckett - Watt

this mode

is what biographers often refer to as crippling self-doubt.

well that, and this still:


jeez, it's summer.
lighten up and stop hiding whydontcha?

ha. ya right.
if i could move maybe.

i'm sorry

i don't think of you as a real person, with feelings, thoughts and desires as opposed to a Lacanian experiment in conspicuous identity construction.
maybe if i did we would get somewhere, if i could think the same about myself.

immobilizediamimmobilizedstill

i love the leaving lovers who by loving leave me lost
to lose love, lover left me living loose livid across
left love! to love a leaver living as an albatross
is to lose the living lovers buried shallow in the frost.